Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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