I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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