He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
