Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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