were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
