He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
