Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
