She's JV to your varsity
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
