If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
