Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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