hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
