My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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