When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
