My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize