am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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