The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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