I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
