Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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