Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
