btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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