I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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