sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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