I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
