quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
