I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
