Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
