this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
