I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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