my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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