when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
