Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
