Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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