At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
