somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
