theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we're making bets on your personal life
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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