so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
