this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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