eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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