nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
