What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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