FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
