My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize