Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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