he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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