she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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