Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
