why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
