I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
