Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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