also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
