im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
