I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
