tell your sister to shave her snatch
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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