I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
