I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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