I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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