I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
