im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
