i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
