We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
As shirtless as possible
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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