I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im holly from the hills drunk
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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