i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize