I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
