I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
