Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
After last night, I could never be a politician.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
