Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I still have a little drunk in my system
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
