I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
