Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
